Off Topic: Digital Detox
Aptly titled poem, as I am OOO.
Hello, I am speaking to you from the skies as I am en route to Montana. I don’t have much to say on the matter other than I am excited, scared, extremely unprepared, and I am wearing a new pair of hiking boots that I hope don’t give me blisters. Twinkle Toes Collins over here!
On that note, I have decided to pause my “How’d You Do It?” for this week and next, not because of lack of people, in fact I have some great interviews but because according to Reddit there will be little to no signal on my travels and I won’t be able to give the people who have spoken to me the attention they deserve.
So I am sending you something a little Off Topic. A poem I wrote when I realized I followed over 2000 Instagram accounts.
I hope you enjoy! I’ll see you when I am back x
Digital Detox
Why do I follow two thousand, three hundred and twenty-two Instagram pages.
Going through all these, is going to take me fucking ages.
It's just guys I followed in the hopes they’d follow back,
Girls with tiny waists, full lips, all with a great rack.
Discarded accounts pleading with me to be vegan,
A fan page dedicated to Sara and Tegan
Girls I met once in a college bar’s bathroom,
Wait, why is my ex-Tinder lover dressed as a groom?
An astrologist tarot card reader, I once paid to cast a spell,
A natural deodorant brand that made me really smell.
Girls I fancied, men I hate,
A restaurant in Dublin, where I once ate
Wait, how are you verified?
What does that even mean?
An influencer I followed at age 15!
Someone I slept with who is married now,
A pinned image of their eternal vow.
A magazine that has never accepted my pitch,
That girl from high school that was such bitch.
Dr Pimple Popper and Kourtney Kardashian Barker,
Old pictures of me with my foundation a lot darker.
I want a timeline without the word weight loss,
And accounts that guarantee to make me a girl boss
Stop telling me how to calculate protein,
Hot people hanging out, I’m not in the scene
Any account that mentions Hydrox and 75 hard,
Is guaranteed to be immediately barred
Unfollowed: Any man who hashtags 35 millimeters
American Horror Story fan pages of Evan Peters
Hate watch, doom scroll, I want to unfollow the lot,
If one more nepo baby tells me her energy is what makes her hot
I want to delete my account and get a Motorola flip phone,
Move to rural Ireland, be peaceful, and finally alone,
I’ll do it, I swear every story makes me want to scream
Wait, but before I do, my friend just DM’ed me a really funny meme